Everything We Think Barbie Would Cook in Her Dream Kitchen

Everything We Think Barbie Would Cook in Her Dream Kitchen

As a millennial born in the late 1980s, I’ve watched Barbie go through many life cycles: she’s had over 200 career paths, raised her various siblings, and built an incredible community in her fictional, plastic version of Malibu. In this time, there have been brief forays into cooking, mainly in her iterations as Pasta Barbie, Baking Chef Barbie, and Ice Cream Shop Barbie.

As we usher Barbie into her new, flat-footed era of self-discovery, I’ve been thinking a lot about how and what Barbie would eat during this chapter of her life. As a fellow home-owning, city-dwelling millennial woman (I haven’t figured out how to float through my home yet, but I’m working on it), the possibility of having unfettered access to a dream kitchen feels daunting—but thrilling. I do recognize that none of these interpretations are serious or absolute. Think of them as simple daydreams and musings of pink house grandeur.

First, let’s establish what elements of the Barbie canon I’m using to guide my thinking:

  1. I’m basing all of these conclusions off of Margot Robbie as Barbie: In Greta Gerwig’s Barbie-verse, she’s independent, home-owning, and literally floating through life.

  2. She lives in Malibu, Calif., which means lots of sunshine, warmth, and fresh coastal foods.

  3. As shown in the “Barbie” trailer, there is zero water in Barbie’s house. Worrying about dirty dishes is just not a factor, but that also means we’re not making any pastas or steam-based dishes. It’s magic, or she’s super eco-friendly.

  4. Barbie is incredibly social. As such, I’d like to believe she’s very community-minded and would support her local CSA, know her town’s baker, and be friends with local food producers.

  5. In Barbie’s world, food is more of a “play” item, so she’s cooking for the ‘gram, as they say.

  6. Ken is not helping; he’s on his own self-discovery journey.

So what do you make when your perfect plastic world begins to fall apart, but you’re still Barbie?

Naturally, we have to kick things off with a pink cake. From Kristen Miglore’s beloved Genius column, this Raspberry Cake from Shilpa Uskokovic hits all the high-level Barbie notes: it’s pink, it’s fluffy, it’s sweet. Don’t sleep on Kristen’s version, which includes delightfully jiggly, rainbow jellies.

Barbie is a busy gal. This is a fact. Something like a make-ahead, marinated bean sitch is the exact thing that would magically appear in Barbie’s fridge whenever she wanted it. Plus, beans are comfort food, and the fluttering, pink radicchio leaves pull the whole dish together.

After consulting with other members of our Test Kitchen, we reached the consensus that Barbie is likely a pescetarian (or maybe even a flexitarian), since she does live on the coast and probably tries to eat locally. However, since she’s great at literally everything—including hosting parties—she would absolutely always have a charcuterie board ready to go for her meat-eating guests. This is another item that would absolutely show up premade in her fridge, magically.

Lastly, a vibrant, creamy beet ice cream. It’s perfectly pink. No notes.

Whole fried fish is a gorgeous, dinner party-friendly example of large-format cooking. Sea bass—suggested for this recipe—is prevalent in Southern California and has a beautifully flaky texture. The fresh papaya salad underneath provides all the lightness Barbie needs in her life.

Panzanella is a crowd-pleaser. Barbie is known for her parties and loves to entertain. She also knows that when you’re trying to hold your sh*t together, a good ol’ bread salad is usually the answer to all woes—or at least a distraction from all the ennui.

Ennui, meet spoonable cheese. Another fridge staple for when your feet fall flat and you suddenly can’t levitate safely out of your own home.

Last, but not least, a salad dressing for when Barbie wants a little extra oomph. Because in Barbie’s world, salads are never boring.

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What do you think Barbie would whip up in her dream kitchen? Tell us in the comments below!

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